


a kiss with a fist is better than none

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Freeform, M/M, Sadstuck, kismessitude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5029351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I mean really, did you ever think you were going to get a happy ending?</p>
            </blockquote>





	a kiss with a fist is better than none

**Author's Note:**

> this is a request from my homie http://reallyveryhannah.tumblr.com/ shes great go check her out i love this kid. also this is sad and possibly ooc but idk *throws confetti*

In the beginning, you barely even remembered his _name_. You really only talked to Karkat, Fef, and Vriska. You contacted Equius when you wanted help building doomsday devices, but you never bothered with his cheery, catlike moirail. Sometimes Terezi and the two lowblood Flarpers, which is really how you met him in the first place. You had no idea which quadrant he was in with the rust-blood, and you didn’t care much. When you heard she was dead, you didn’t exactly care one way or another, and when you heard _how_ she died you felt a bit bad for him, but mostly it just added more gas to your kismesitude because she hadn’t even brought back the lusus for you. By the time the game started, you were mostly just annoyed that _he_ would be Fef’s client player, not you.

That stupid fuckin lowblood what a piece of goddamn _shit_ who did that nerd think he was tryin to take Fef from you??? He was gonna fuckin pay you knew that right that goddamn minute. You’d never even hated the damn spider this much but-

Wait. The spider? Vriska?? But she had been your kismesis, that was different! You didn’t feel that way about fucking Thollukth! There was no goddamn way! That is fucking _it_! You’re gonna end this once and for fucking all _right fucking now!!!_

Seeing them together on the horn pile is probably what drove you over the edge, but honestly if someone were to ask you later you wouldn’t have an answer for them. Because he was dead. They were both. Fucking. _Dead_. The only 2 people left on this goddamn rock that you cared about and even though it took you _literally murdering him_ for you to admit it, you’d had a black crush on Sollux since the game fuckin started. And he knew it too, you _know_ he did, because why the fuck else would he have gone to your planet at all? It’s not like you were good company. You were just a miserable fucking idiot who didn’t see what was right the fuck in front of him until it was _dead_. And now it was you and Vriska and the stupid _fucking_ clown and at this point you didn’t stand a chance because honestly there’s nothing left for you now. This is where it ends for you. This is always how it was gonna end. Alone, hopeless, and all your own damn fault.

 

Before the game, he was basically just a genocide sized pain in your ass, and you really didn’t talk to him much, only listened to KK complain about his stupid worldviews and failed doomsday plans. You hadn’t talked to FF that much either, really AA and Karkat were the only people you bothered with, and TZ and sometimes even TV were included after the incident. But really, AA only even knew him through the spiderbitch, and he wasn’t really particularly noteworthy. It might have started when he was mad at VK for not bringing AA’s lusus to him when she killed her, which apparently was part of their deal or something. That pissed you off, but it was pretty platonic. You had to admit though, his obvious annoyance at you because he didn’t get to be FF’s client player was pretty hilarious.

You tried to convince yourself you only wanted Fef, and ED was just a nuisance, you really really did, but god _damn_ did you fuck that up. From the second you got in the game he started antagonizing you, and yeah you could complain and call him annoying all fuckin day, but it doesn’t change jack _shit_ in the end when clearly you’re black for him, and he’s black for you, except he can’t seem to figure that out with his stupid class-obsessed, waterlogged brain. Like seriously, he might be worse than horse breath at this point. At least EQ never tried to commit genocide, that you’re aware of anyway. You don’t even under _stand_ this fuckin class shit, no matter how many times AA or KK or TZ have tried to explain it to you. I mean, you know your blood is yellow, and AA was red, and apparently KK’s got some weird shit goin on, but you still don’t get why it _matters_. But whatever, you digress, that’s not really the point.

He tried to kill you! That fuckin fish bastard literally shot you with a fucking _magic wand_. Where did he get a fucking wand? You knew your life was ridiculous and bullshit but holy fuck are you kidding me with this. And then KN fucking _chainsawed him in half_. She let the stupid juggalo live! And the spiderbitch! It was probably because he tried to kill her personally, but whatever. And yeah, you should probably be grateful that she avenged you too, but you weren’t, because she was too late, and they were both dead they were both fucking _dead_ and there wasn’t anything you could do about it.  Why the _fish_. Why, out of all of your psycho, murderous “friends” did you have to fall for the goddamn _fish_? I mean come on, you were just gonna drag FF down anyway, and now she’s dead too so what does it even matter?? She’s dead, and now _he’s_ dead, and both of them are your fault, because everything you care about comes in two’s, so why would you think for even a goddamn _second_ that you could ever have one without the other?

 

You would’ve guessed a sprite with the both of you would have a more conflicting nature, but in the end, you weren’t really that surprised. Eridan and Sollux were never that different in life, or even in death, so Erisolsprite was allowed to simply be. You found that you didn’t hate yourself, either part, you were just numb. But if this was the only way you could actually have each other, and find peace with Feferi (even if it’s not Feferi its Fefetasprite but really, you’ll take what you can get), then so be it. This mediocrity was to be your fate, and so it would. This would be your happy ending, because true happiness was never something either of you could have.

  
When you finally _finally_ meet up in the dreambubbles, you kind of just stare at each other for a while. Because what was there left to say to the guy you tried to kill? Nothing, that’s what. Nothing at all. Because you’re both fucking _idiots_ and are you really going to blow the last and only chance you’re going to have? Yes. Yes you are. Because you had your chances already, you both had millions of them all across paradox space, and you blew every last goddamn one. So after you stared into each other’s dead, pupiless eyes, you turned away, and walked in the opposite direction, knowing that he was doing the same. Because really, how did you think this was going to end? There is no redemption arc in your story, there’s no forgiveness or second chances, there was never any of that for either of you, and now? Well now you’re both back where you started aren’t you? Fucking _alone._


End file.
